I hate the word “fun.” I grow immediately suspicious when the word is used. When the word is used half the time it is used incorrectly. People use it to try and get you to do things. “Common it will be fun!” Anytime some one says it will be fun, immediately walk away, it will suck!! If something was really that fun no one would need to explain how fun it would be, the activity should speak for it self. Don’t get me wrong. I love to have a good time, but I never need to tell people I had fun, people will KNOW if I had fun.
One day I was walking out of Ralph’s and saw their ad to get new hires saying that i Ralph's is a “fun enjoyable work experience” When the crap would working at Ralphs ever be fun?!?, is it when your in the heat chasing down shopping carts?? I just don’t see it.
I’ll tell you what else isn’t fun, eating Fun Size candy bars. What the shit is that about? That’s not fun! That’s just a small ass candy bar. If you ask me it’s merely a tease saying, “here have some FUN chocolaty goodness than two seconds later, “oh wait you have no more candy bitchass!” It’s like a chocolaty version of blue balls.
Next, is Six Flags. Their slogan is, “more flags, more fun” What does that even mean?? If more flags equals more fun then why isn’t it called 1 million flags? According to them, that would be a lot more fun than just 6 flags. I say nay, no one needs a lot of flags. I’m more of a one flag, maybe two flag kind of guy. If I had a choice of flags it would be the American flag and California flag. Why else would you need another flag? Quite honestly never have I been around a flag and had fun. Sure it was enjoyable to wave the flag around and act like you’re in the Patriot, but that good time lasts about five minuets. I think it is safe to say that flags and fun do not go together.
p.s. I wrote this whole thing while at work, I’m pretty sure what I wrote had nothing to do with what I was supposed to do. Lesson for you kids out there…what ever you do at work, just look serious and type fast and you’re in the clear.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Friday, May 16, 2008
Makes No Cents
I have a huge change problem. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. Everyday for the past 2 years I’ve been empting my change into my drawer. Well now my drawer can’t even close with so many quarters and stupid pennies. What does the rest of the world do with all these nickels and dimes? How does no one else have this problem? I’ve explored two options, first is take the coins to Vons at a Coinstar but then they take some commission, so that’s a no. The second is roll it up myself and give it to the bank however I’m horrible at arts and crafts and rolling up change is like origami to me. I could just pay someone to roll it up... But then I would be just paying the dude in the change I accumulated and that would be a feedback loop. (I’ve had the hardest time figuring out what exactly is a feedback loop…I always thought it was some cool new ride at Magic Mountain) Coins are nothing but trick money if you ask me. The U.S. Treasury goes, “hey this is money” but in reality its like the WNBA…worthless. Its kind of like that prank where you tape a dollar to a piece of string and place it on the ground and when someone bends over to pick up the buck, you whip it away and say, "sucks for you jerkass". The government is tricking us with this so called “money” in fraction form. I will have none of this…
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Odd SHITuations
There are some situations in life I have no idea how to behave. There is the classic example of the funeral where I usually end up saying the dumbest things to the bereaved. There was one funeral where at the end of the service, they let a bunch of white doves free. Of course being an idiot, I preceded to go up to my friend whose grandmother just passed and asked him how cool it would be to have a carrier dove. In retrospect I could have said things like, “I’m sorry for your loss” or even “how you holding up” Nope I just said, “damn those birds would make awesome carrier doves.”
There was another time I was doing the play-by-play broadcasting for a USC Men’s Volleyball game. Of course having no idea what I was doing or saying because honestly who ever watches Men’s volleyball?? I sometimes watch Women’s Volleyball because of the hot chicks who play the sport. Spandex…nice! Anyway, so having no idea how to call the game I one time said, “set it and forget it!!” like the chicken rotisserie infomercials. It was one of those moments straight out of a Southwest Airlines commercial “wanna get away”? Needless to say I wasn’t invited back to broadcast their games.
This topic came to mind after a bizarre situation I was just apart of. I went to the Starbucks bathroom to wash my hands but there was someone in there before me who shitted up the place, and I mean that literally. It’s the kind of smell that hits you in the face and makes you puke a little in your mouth. So I quickly started washing my hands and then the god-awful handle on the door started to shake indicating someone wanted to use the facilities. I was faced with the predicament of either telling the person waiting to use the bathroom that the smell wasn’t me or just walk away fast. Additionally, how do you even go about telling a person that the dreadful smell they are about to become intimate with did not come from me? “Excuse me, I did not just shit, it was the person before me, I promise I was just washing my hands, I already took a shit today!” Whose even going to believe that story?!? So I did what any grown male would do and said, “enjoy the smell I left for you.”
There was another time I was doing the play-by-play broadcasting for a USC Men’s Volleyball game. Of course having no idea what I was doing or saying because honestly who ever watches Men’s volleyball?? I sometimes watch Women’s Volleyball because of the hot chicks who play the sport. Spandex…nice! Anyway, so having no idea how to call the game I one time said, “set it and forget it!!” like the chicken rotisserie infomercials. It was one of those moments straight out of a Southwest Airlines commercial “wanna get away”? Needless to say I wasn’t invited back to broadcast their games.
This topic came to mind after a bizarre situation I was just apart of. I went to the Starbucks bathroom to wash my hands but there was someone in there before me who shitted up the place, and I mean that literally. It’s the kind of smell that hits you in the face and makes you puke a little in your mouth. So I quickly started washing my hands and then the god-awful handle on the door started to shake indicating someone wanted to use the facilities. I was faced with the predicament of either telling the person waiting to use the bathroom that the smell wasn’t me or just walk away fast. Additionally, how do you even go about telling a person that the dreadful smell they are about to become intimate with did not come from me? “Excuse me, I did not just shit, it was the person before me, I promise I was just washing my hands, I already took a shit today!” Whose even going to believe that story?!? So I did what any grown male would do and said, “enjoy the smell I left for you.”
Sorry
I received some comments about my past posts being insensitive and harsh. I agree whole heartily that the things I’ve said were both idiotic and cruel. I meant for this blog post to poke fun of real life situations and lighten the mood from a sometimes boring and mundane life. In no way were my comments supposed to be hurtful. I sincerely apologize to any readers who were offended by my comments. From now on, I will be primarily poking fun at myself, objects, monkeys, and/or midgets (They are all illiterate so its fine).
Thursday, April 17, 2008
No More Birthdays!!
You’re an idiot if you…..
Countdown to your birthday:
I’m really sick of people counting down to their birthday as if the whole world just can’t wait for the “special” day to arrive. By the way, I really hate when people use the word “special.” If you ask me “special” should only refer those who are forced to ride the short bus to school. Birthday countdown people usually don't get enough attention for being their pathetic selves so they rely on their birthday to be treated “special.” I can treat them “special” by throwing a chocolate cake in their face. Speaking of cake, guess who loves their birthday most? Who else but the fat assess. They feel entitled to have as much cake as possible just because it’s their birthday. Why you think they countdown till the day they get to eat cake “guilt free”? The fatties somehow overlook the fact that I’m still staring at their jigglly ass as they chomp down on some ice cream cake. If only we can dangle some of that ice cream cake in front of them as they run on a treadmill we would have a much healthier society. There is too much emphasis on birthdays. After the age of 5 no one should have birthday parties. We are forced to crowd around the birthday person and laugh at all of their dumb jokes and pretend like we give a shit about their life. Don’t get me wrong; I think society should be celebrating, just not birthdays. We need to celebrate accomplishments like 4th of July or the day the hot pocket was invented. If you want to celebrate something, celebrate the fact you can have a bit of flakey goodness in just two minuets!! Luckily, my birthday falls on St. Patrick’s Day where I don’t have to worry about celebrating; the whole world turns Irish and therefore alcoholics for the day. (As a one-time visitor of Ireland, I can attest that the country most defiantly has a drinking problem). I have news for the fat-ass cake eaters, no one cares it’s your birthday, stop counting!
Countdown to your birthday:
I’m really sick of people counting down to their birthday as if the whole world just can’t wait for the “special” day to arrive. By the way, I really hate when people use the word “special.” If you ask me “special” should only refer those who are forced to ride the short bus to school. Birthday countdown people usually don't get enough attention for being their pathetic selves so they rely on their birthday to be treated “special.” I can treat them “special” by throwing a chocolate cake in their face. Speaking of cake, guess who loves their birthday most? Who else but the fat assess. They feel entitled to have as much cake as possible just because it’s their birthday. Why you think they countdown till the day they get to eat cake “guilt free”? The fatties somehow overlook the fact that I’m still staring at their jigglly ass as they chomp down on some ice cream cake. If only we can dangle some of that ice cream cake in front of them as they run on a treadmill we would have a much healthier society. There is too much emphasis on birthdays. After the age of 5 no one should have birthday parties. We are forced to crowd around the birthday person and laugh at all of their dumb jokes and pretend like we give a shit about their life. Don’t get me wrong; I think society should be celebrating, just not birthdays. We need to celebrate accomplishments like 4th of July or the day the hot pocket was invented. If you want to celebrate something, celebrate the fact you can have a bit of flakey goodness in just two minuets!! Luckily, my birthday falls on St. Patrick’s Day where I don’t have to worry about celebrating; the whole world turns Irish and therefore alcoholics for the day. (As a one-time visitor of Ireland, I can attest that the country most defiantly has a drinking problem). I have news for the fat-ass cake eaters, no one cares it’s your birthday, stop counting!
Monday, March 24, 2008
Why I Hate New York
New York can kiss my ass. The city and the state both suck. I am so sick of people giving mad props to the pile of crap that is New York. As an urban planning student, all I hear about is how great New York is and how LA is hell blah blah blah. Really? LA is crappy huh? then why are there 10 million people living here with miles of pristine beaches, great weather, and a lot of wealth? LA is the economic driver to California’s sixth largest economy in the world. People would say that LA doesn't have good public transportation and you need a car to get around. How is that bad? By not taking public transportation I don’t have to hear the bum next to me talk about how much he loves string cheese and then proceed to take a shit in the corner of the subway. Life is much more pleasant in the comfort of your own car. Other LA haters would say, LA has too much traffic…oh yeah because NY has absolutely none. People live in a fantasy world where they think people freely roam hassle free in the streets of New York. All cities have traffic!! Additionally, all sports teams suck in New York. The Yankees just signed comedian Billy Crystal…how good can they be? The Knicks are terrible, and the Mets choked hard on their way to the playoffs last year. In the wake of the Governor of NY having to step down for banging a prostitute (a very hot one at that..have you seen her pictures…damn!). This whole story goes to show nothing good comes out of New York. California has Arnold for a Governor who doesn't need to pay to have an affair. He can get any girl he wants for free!! I say let New York think they are far superior, but in reality they are no better than the excrement the bum left on the subway.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Radioshit and Ointment
Booo to the following…
Radioshack
There is no store I hate more than the pile of shit located in the nearest strip mall known by many as, Radioshack. Everything about it makes me want to throw their own shitty batteries at it. The awful experience of Radioshack starts before you even get out of the car. First you will find yourself in a strip mall looking abandoned since 1988. The only green space in the lot are the weeds coming through the sidewalk cracks. Then you look up and see the magnificently crappy Radioshack sign. You walk in the store at which time the smell of old man diaper hits you in the face. (If your curious about the smell but don’t actually want to go to a Radioshack…a convalescent home would be the place…actually an old persons home sounds more exciting than a Radioshack) They sell absolutely nothing in the store as well. I went in because I was desperate for ink cartridge and of course they didn’t have that. I ask, what the crap is the point of this store? They do sell cell phones however they are the 1988 model like the one used in Saved by the Bell. Fortunately, The dust on the phone comes with it. To make matters worse, the employees are commissioned. So as you look for that 12 inch black and white TV you always wanted, there is some douche bag employee demanding you buy the antennas to go with your junkyard tv. Who the crap is going into a Radioshack and being like…”damn I really need some 1988 antennas for my plasma tv”. I’m all for capitalism but this just makes America look like total fuck ups…
I am the owner of genital warts ointment. I believe that statement is a testament for a new low in my life. Of course, one would have to get action to actually get genital warts so no I don’t actually have the STD. At least people with genital warts got some action, I got nothing and still ended up with the same thing…genital warts ointment. One of my four readers, may be asking the question…Why do you have the ointment? I shall respond by saying well let me take you on the journey in which is entitled, “How I got genital warts ointment”. It all started in the summer of 07 in which I was at a friends house, (we will call this friend Ben Stratman for the sake of anonymity) At Ben’s house one of my dumbass friends thought it would be funny to throw me into the pool, I was not happy about it so I started angrily punching this friend in which at the same time Ben Stratman’s dog bit me thinking I was attacking the dumbass. So now I have a huge ass bite on my leg. I had to get a tetanus shot and went to a dermatologist to look at the bite. Turns out…the thing to cure a bite wound is ointment that is also used to control genital warts. Welcome To buck's world!
Radioshack
There is no store I hate more than the pile of shit located in the nearest strip mall known by many as, Radioshack. Everything about it makes me want to throw their own shitty batteries at it. The awful experience of Radioshack starts before you even get out of the car. First you will find yourself in a strip mall looking abandoned since 1988. The only green space in the lot are the weeds coming through the sidewalk cracks. Then you look up and see the magnificently crappy Radioshack sign. You walk in the store at which time the smell of old man diaper hits you in the face. (If your curious about the smell but don’t actually want to go to a Radioshack…a convalescent home would be the place…actually an old persons home sounds more exciting than a Radioshack) They sell absolutely nothing in the store as well. I went in because I was desperate for ink cartridge and of course they didn’t have that. I ask, what the crap is the point of this store? They do sell cell phones however they are the 1988 model like the one used in Saved by the Bell. Fortunately, The dust on the phone comes with it. To make matters worse, the employees are commissioned. So as you look for that 12 inch black and white TV you always wanted, there is some douche bag employee demanding you buy the antennas to go with your junkyard tv. Who the crap is going into a Radioshack and being like…”damn I really need some 1988 antennas for my plasma tv”. I’m all for capitalism but this just makes America look like total fuck ups…
I am the owner of genital warts ointment. I believe that statement is a testament for a new low in my life. Of course, one would have to get action to actually get genital warts so no I don’t actually have the STD. At least people with genital warts got some action, I got nothing and still ended up with the same thing…genital warts ointment. One of my four readers, may be asking the question…Why do you have the ointment? I shall respond by saying well let me take you on the journey in which is entitled, “How I got genital warts ointment”. It all started in the summer of 07 in which I was at a friends house, (we will call this friend Ben Stratman for the sake of anonymity) At Ben’s house one of my dumbass friends thought it would be funny to throw me into the pool, I was not happy about it so I started angrily punching this friend in which at the same time Ben Stratman’s dog bit me thinking I was attacking the dumbass. So now I have a huge ass bite on my leg. I had to get a tetanus shot and went to a dermatologist to look at the bite. Turns out…the thing to cure a bite wound is ointment that is also used to control genital warts. Welcome To buck's world!
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