I’ve had it up to here (hand raised over head) with awful Facebook status updates! The social networking site is being saturated with ego-maniacs who absolutely MUST tell me every little thing about their life. I’m pretty sure Facebook was not created so we can all learn about how stuffed you are from Thanksgiving or how you’re allergic to mushrooms. There are some Facebookers that post things that are just so unreadable and uninspiring, I cringe the same way I did when I saw the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop. As a veteran Facebook user (going on 5 years now) I have developed a trained eye for different Facebook behaviors and have grouped the Facebook abusers accordingly. First is Facebook bragger who has no idea how unimpressive his/her life is. For instance, they need to brag to me about their job promotion as assistant manager at Pinkberry, their amazing Weezer concert tickets, or about their new car, the Ford Taurs. What amazes me is how they had the time to do all of these things seeing how they just updated their status for the 15th time on a Wednesday afternoon. Then there is minute detail Facebook abuser. This one writes frequently about things I doubt their own mother would care about. What makes this person think I care about what type of bread was selected at Ralphs or what is in their refrigerator. How do I even respond to this? “Wow you went with the White Bread?!?” or “No Way! You have green olives in your fridge???” Finally, the crème de la crème of Facebookers and my personal favorite is the complainer. This kind has to talk about how hard their life is but doesn’t give specific details about what’s bothering them. For instance, “Bobby Sue is overwhelmed today …sigh” or “Elmo is tired…ahhh” or “Dave’s face is hurting because he just got punched for complaining too much” This kind of Facebook behavior is intolerable, unacceptable and must be stopped. To counteract these despicable people I too shall write an update one-upping all other annoying facebookers. My next status update will read, “Mark is just so excited because he starts being King of Ethiopia today. Furthermore, for lunch he will have an egg-salad sandwich on white bread with four BBQ chips and a pickle. What a busy day I’m so overwhelmed…uggggg.”
