I know what you’re thinking, and yes I did gain some weight in the past week. I recently went on a celebratory cruise in the Mediterranean looking Ethiopian skinny in the before picture. Sadly, 12 days later I got off the ship looking like the guy who thinks the double cheese taco salad at Taco Bell is a healthy diet option. As my mom so eloquently put,“ Mark ate like a maniac” However, I wasn’t the only one going “Tasmanian Devil” on the food as it became clear that this world isn’t getting fat off air. The average number of meals consumed a day on the ship was six! Let’s just say the pool scene was not exactly the Hard Rock Pool in Vegas. In fact it was quite a traumatic experience for me as I realized I’m very much in favor of one-piece bathing suits. (Is there a weight maximum for bikinis? Because there should be!) As much fun as I had on the cruise, there are some things about people that will forever baffle me. For instance, when a person makes the transformation into a tourist why do the Indiana Jones hats and Neon Fanny Packs automatically make an appearance? These tourists do the stupidest things too. I once witnessed an older lady wave at people on other boats for 2 hours. All she did was sit by the ship’s railing waiving away. What exactly does this lady expect to happen once you wave to other people? At the very best, the other party waves back to you and then what? I’ve never been much of a fan of parades for this very reason. Mass waves are so phony when it is directed towards thousands of other people. I like my waves personal, intended only for me. I don’t know this lady much, but I can bet she doesn’t sit at her window sill at home waving at anything that passes by her. Next time I catch someone using all five fingers to give me a phony wave I will reciprocate with just one finger of mine.
