Bless This!!

The phrase “God bless you” is being used at an all time high and needs to be addressed immediately. There is too much blessing going on for a damn sneeze. If I were God, I would defiantly not be blessing someone just because they sneezed. One cannot help but wonder how many times a day people are telling God that they should bless other sneezers. Maybe if someone came down with a case of the flu or syphilis it would warrant a “God bless you” but not for some wind to come out of the nose at 200 mph. I am very keen on this phrase because I consider myself a professional sneezer. I have this nutso condition called Photic sneeze reflex (It’s a real thing) where anytime I look into the sun I sneeze. Throughout the course of my day there are numerous people telling God to bless me. I really wish people would stop telling God to bless me over my sneezing, and save the blesses for when I do stupid shit (Probably in Vegas). The worst are those people who are just waiting for someone to sneeze. These “God bless you whores” could be doing anything whether it be driving, or performing surgery and will stop in their tracks to make sure the holy one blesses the sneezer. However, I love to fool these sickos by pretending to sneeze to see them get ready for a “God Bless You” and then witness utter disappointment on their faces when they realize it was a false alarm. I’ve never been much of a “God bless youer” so I don’t quite understand how it works…if someone is a multiple sneezer does the “God bless you” come after one sneeze or until the sequence is finished? We can’t be worrying about making sure sneezers are blessed when we are in the midst of a war, a recession looming, and a college football season starting soon. We should let God decide what is bless worthy because clearly we failed thinking a sneeze deserves a blessing.