The High-Heeled Problem

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are myriads of useless items in this world, and most of them are located in the “Sky Mall Magazine”. Such items include: a cat stroller, and a water purifier for parrots. However, nothing is more useless and detrimental to society than high heels. I’m not exactly sure what’s the appeal of the shoe. They are aimed to make women taller and therefore more attractive for men, yet most men would not date a woman who is taller anyway! But that’s only the tip of the iceberg…the comfort level of the shoe is where my beef lies. I have found myself in a weekly struggle with the high-heeled women. These declined contraptions drastically reduce my time to meet women and get to know them in bars/clubs. It’s only a matter of time before you hear the dark inevitable words, “my feet hurt.” Which for guys, is code for “you have no chance.” Often I feel like a bomb diffuser working under stressful conditions with a time constraint overhead. (FYI: usually the bomb goes off) I’m convinced I would get much more action (well…action) if women would just wear some Puma’s. Come to think of it, high heels aren’t all bad in that they act as great contraception. Who knew the world’s population problem could be solved with a couple million pairs of Leblanc’s? These days a man really has to be “heel worthy” to get some. A woman is not going to stand in those contortion devises listening to some dude's bullshit for very long. To combat this high-heeled problem I’m bringing some extra pairs of Uggs the next time I’m at a club. Some may call me a “weird dude” but I could care less, I’ll be the “weird dude” talking to ladies with comfy shoes on!