My Significant Other

I’m sorry ladies but I’m officially off the market. It’s true I’ve been the most “eligible bachelor” for some time now but not anymore. I’m happy to say my significant other has all the perfect qualities; smart, slender, and attractive. Unfortunately, my relationship is with something I bought at the Apple store for $399. I spend more time on my iPhone than a Cal Tech student plays Dungeons and Dragons. My cell phone and I are so close that it even finishes my sentences (auto text). I came to this realization as I was in a club in Hollywood over the weekend chasing around girls like an idiot. (On a side note: Men in dance clubs are the equivalent to cavemen but with a collared shirt) The main objective for these “hunter/gathers” is to “hunt” for ladies and get numbers. So my whole purpose of the night was to get some chick’s phone number so that I can spend the next few weeks calling/texting her. Instead of spending time with the lady, I’m spending more time with my cell phone! I’m under the impression that no one dates in LA. How can they? They are too busy texting! So with that said, my cell phone and I are confident that once the Supreme Court overrules Proposition 8, they will allow cell phones and humans to get married. FYI, we are going to be registered at the Apple store, (My cell phone needs a new pair of iPhone socks). So give me your number so that I can spend some quality time with my cell phone!