Halloween is by far the most anticlimactic holiday of the year. There is so much hype weeks before but in the end it’s like any other Friday night except you’re dressed as a lady bug. Everyone always tells me Halloween is great for the candy. First of all, no one trick or treats after the age of 10. Second of all, everyone knows I’m a chip man. Candy is lame; potato chips are where it’s at. Now if I was to go from door to door with people giving out Cheetos and BBQ chips I would drop all my problems. The only good thing about the holiday is the mass slutification the girls participate in at the parties. As early as the first weekend in October, you will start seeing some of the girls in their slutty outfits. (I’ve been told that girls don’t dress in costumes, its OUTFITS). As October goes along more and more girls start dressing up and it gets progressively sluttier! I even saw a slutty Harry Potter costume (I never thought that was possible). My favorite week is the weekend before Halloween because I don’t have to dress up, yet the girls are almost primed at mass slutification. However, Halloween still has it all wrong, the holiday should be in July or August. It’s not much of a problem in the temperate climate of Southern California, but I bet you there are some beautiful girls who don’t dress up to their full slutty potential in the colder climates of New York and Chicago. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of dressing up as a lady bug this year. I tried to play it off like it was a “man bug” but in the end it was just a girly lady bug costume. Furthermore, I did not foresee that the lady bug wings I purchased would be such a pain in the ass in the crowded clubs. Not even ten minutes passed by before I ditched my wings. In short, Halloween sucks, but it can improve by handing out chips instead of candy and moved to July for mass slutification.
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