At Least Better than Kwanzaa

Booo to the following….



Hanukkah

So Hanukkah came and went this year with no one really noticing….as usual. This holiday blows. My hometown is all Christmased up with every house having the white or colored light variety. Not this little Jew boy, he gets a little wax candle. Hanukkah is really quite a bull shit holiday, designed so the little Jewish kids don’t feel left out when the rest of America gets awesome i-pods, DVDs, or like little baby Jesus dolls. I say, let the Christians have their holiday, Jews don’t need a pity holiday especially as dumb a Hanukkah. It is not even an important holiday to us, our 10,000 other crappy holidays a year are more important. It’s a celebration over the fact that some Jews came across a lamp that had enough oil for one day but magically got 8 days from it. So basically we are celebrating the fact that we got a sweet bargain on some light. My question is… what did those people do on the 9th day? Were they just left in the dark saying, “well we had a good run” If you want to celebrate a bargain, celebrate Black Friday after Thanksgiving! Those are some damn good deals…I got Wedding Crashers for 4 bucks. No one even knows when Hanukkah is… I read the LA Times on a daily basis, and there was not one article about how Hanukkah was coming up. I was totally unaware that it was Hanukkah until my mother randomly came up and gave me a USC coaster from a thrift shop. After I threw the used coaster on the table I continued studying for finals. So just like that, not really noticing, Hanukkah came and went overshadowed by the Christmas Starbucks Cups, and Kenny G’s Christmas Hits. The problem is, Hanukkah was never properly marketed with no lovable character that gives shit to people. We have some lame ass dradle song. All non-Jews always say how lucky we are because we get 8 presents. They are unaware that they are 8 shitty presents. Sure the first two days are good, but by the 8th day you get handed a sponge and a mom yelling at you to clean the bathroom with it. So many people get so jazzed up about Christmas most even do a countdown. We countdown the days until Hanukkah is over. My family was so anti- festive this year that we didn’t even light the candles, we now have an old electric menorah that has two broken lights, so apparently there are only 6 nights of Hanukkah in my house. We Jews need to understand that America is a Christian country and leave it at that. At least we are better than Kwanzaa!



King of the Hill

How the crap is this show still on TV? It has been on FOX since 1998 and apparently still has new episodes. I find it funny the new episodes appear during the writers strike which points to the fact, there are no professional writers on that show. I’ve heard no one quote from the show (that includes those fat dorky kids who quote from shows you’ve never heard before…NO DUDE, I’ve never seen Veronica Mars…NO ONE HAS!) My theory is Fox just forgot that the show was still on air, and since no one ever talks about it, it continues to be aired. I would love to find the one dude who religiously watches King of the Hill. My guess is he’s the fat shirtless, man with a cheeto stuck in his bellybutton living in Texas.

No Picks this Week…I’m too lazy.