Church of The Holy Touchdown

I’ve never really been considered a religious man through my years. I felt that the customs, traditions, and beliefs in all religions were quite ridiculous. I never understood why people like Priests, Rabbis, Monks, or Indian Chiefs would devout their whole life to just their religion until I finally saw the light. Prior to becoming a born-again, I had been walking aimlessly with no real purpose. Now I see all that life has to offer with such clarity. Flowers smell better, music sounds better, and hot girls are even hotter. I attribute all these new positive changes to my new-found religion…College Football. I have found my religious enlightenment in the form of watching touchdowns and bone chilling tackles. I didn’t realize my religion’s full potential until I made my required pilgrimage to “Mecca” or otherwise known as Ohio Stadium in Columbus, Ohio. It was more than a game but rather a religious experience that I shared with my fellow College-Footballians watching USC play Ohio State. In case you weren’t familiar with our religion, here are just some of the basics in the holy “Play" Book. I specifically follow the teachings of Pete Carroll as he is my Rabbi. Furthermore, like the Jewish faith, our Sabbath is on Saturday but instead of wine as the preferred drink like in the Catholic or Jewish faith, our drink is beer and a lot of it. At “services” it is frowned upon to be quiet. Finally, my religion ends every year. There are never any qualms about not going to “services” past January 7 as the season ends. The other religions guilt you in being there every week. With that being said, I would appreciate it if people would respect my honoring of the Sabbath and not require me to be anywhere else other than the Los Angeles Coliseum, I’m praying at the top of my lungs!